ARCHIEY"S NEW WORLD OF FUN
MAN AND WIFE
A husband and wife went to dinner and celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Afterwards they returned home and went to their patio to relax with a glass of wine and to reflect on their fifty years together.
After a while the husband said to his wife: Honey in all the years together, was there ever a time when you were unfaithful to me?
The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one time early in our marriage. Remember when you had lost your job and the bank was going to foreclose on the house. I made a trip to town, saw the banker and we got the loan extended until you returned to work.
The husband thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved our home; I guess I can’t really hold it against you for being unfaithful that one time. Was there ever another time?
The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one other time. Remember when you had gotten sick and needed an operation or you would die, but we didn’t have any insurance. I made a trip to town, saw the doctor and you got the operation..
The husband thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved my life; I guess I can’t really hold it against you for being unfaithful that time either. Was there another time?
The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Well there was just one other time. Remember when you were running for club president and you only needed 58 more votes………..
A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked...
A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again."
"Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane."
"Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in."
"Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder.
"You see,the plane was hijacked."
A Class in sex education was about to begin...
A Class in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it.
Little Johnny handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, "My mom says I can take the course, as long as there's no homework."
Harry Potter Titles You Probably Won't See
MORE HARRY POTTER BOOKS
YOU PROBABLY WON'T SEE
Harry Potter and the Temple of Discrimination
(sent by Dr. Gonzo)
Harry Potter and That Guy He Met at The Bar
(sent by Philip Hodges)
Harry Potter and The Hampster's Little Presents
(sent by L Ferrari)
A Perfectly Good Excuse
A cop saw a car driving erratically and pulled the driver over. "Sir, I need you to breath in this breathalizer for me," said the policeman.
The guy said, "I can't do that, office. I'm an asthmatic. If I do that, then I'll have a really big asthma attack."
The cop said, "Okay, then I need you to come down to the station with me and we'll do some blood work."
The guy said, "I can't do that either. I'm a hemophiliac. If I do that, then I will bleed to death."
The cop said, "Fine. Then I need a urine sample from you."
The guy replied, "I can't do that either. I'm diabetic. If I do that then my sugar will get REALLY LOW and I may die."
The cop then said, "Okay, okay! Then I need you to step out of the car and walk this white line."
The guy said, "Sorry, but I can't do that either."
The frustrated cop said, "Why not!?"
The guy said, "Because I'm drunk."